just read my story

hey, so, here i am. yea, i'm still alive, barely breathing. i went through hard times, actually, no, i am in my hard times. i'm stuck in my class and ended up with got no appreciation from my friends (re:classmates), and day by day, i close my self from this world, i'm keeping all my thoughts and feelings all my self, all my own, because i think, nobody understand me, even my family, they don't. such a really hard time. feels like i'm overboard, drowning, dying, anything. i feel so low and really gray. it's really hard for me to give someone or everyone a pure smile that comes out from my heart. all i can give is a fake smile that looks good at the outside but actually. it's uglier that the ogre or the beast or even the poisoned apple. and i don't know almost everything, all i know is; my name, and the normal stuffs, and i know, that i'm lost. no, not in a labyrinth at the front yard of the castle, no. i'm lost in the labyrinth of life. with the swords and axes pops out from the thicket. the troubles i bear, is too much. too much for my age, too much for my size, it's just too much, and i am desperate to tell it to someone. but my mouth won't say a word. my head is really full of thoughts and things and stuff. 30% of my brain has dominated by the dark gray clouds, 30% filled by lumps of tangled threads. my head is about to blow up. and the relationship i have..... i don't know what to do with this relationship. i'm really confused, i don't know whether to keep it going or just end it up at the end of the year, and labeled it as the best of all. best of the best memories i've ever had. the best struggle. the best tears, just the best. but if i let him go, i need more than a year to fix the damage in my heart, my mind, and my soul. o my mighty God. i am so confused. i don't want to let go, but i have to. because we're different. one thing he and i can't deny. we're the same, but we're different.

these times are hard, i know i've said it a bunch time, but you don't know how hard it is. harder that finding a needle in a haystack.


now playing : the script - for the first time

'oh, these times are hard end up making us crazy, don't give up on me baby'