so long beautiful

ello peepul. yep. long time no posting, sorry

im just gonna streak to the point.

---

the story im living in was over not so long ago. the character left me over another character. i was crying a waterfall i cant even stop. like the coldplay said 'when youre too in love to let it go'. *sigh* yess peepul i was too in love i cant let him go. even tho i know the character was being evil to me. i was too naive. 

i still want the character to stay in my story, but i know that the character isnt worth that much to be in my story. so now im learning to let the character go. it hurts as hell it still huuuurrttss ggoooosssshhh BUT IF YOU NEVER TRY YOULL NEVER KNOW rite.


yea.


so. im gonna pronounce it here. officialy.

dear beautiful character, youre no longer in my story. thank you for your cooperation. have a good life forward. i will miss you. and please let me reread about us. i love you *hug*
much much love and tears and pain, your cutest past,
anye.

just read my story

hey, so, here i am. yea, i'm still alive, barely breathing. i went through hard times, actually, no, i am in my hard times. i'm stuck in my class and ended up with got no appreciation from my friends (re:classmates), and day by day, i close my self from this world, i'm keeping all my thoughts and feelings all my self, all my own, because i think, nobody understand me, even my family, they don't. such a really hard time. feels like i'm overboard, drowning, dying, anything. i feel so low and really gray. it's really hard for me to give someone or everyone a pure smile that comes out from my heart. all i can give is a fake smile that looks good at the outside but actually. it's uglier that the ogre or the beast or even the poisoned apple. and i don't know almost everything, all i know is; my name, and the normal stuffs, and i know, that i'm lost. no, not in a labyrinth at the front yard of the castle, no. i'm lost in the labyrinth of life. with the swords and axes pops out from the thicket. the troubles i bear, is too much. too much for my age, too much for my size, it's just too much, and i am desperate to tell it to someone. but my mouth won't say a word. my head is really full of thoughts and things and stuff. 30% of my brain has dominated by the dark gray clouds, 30% filled by lumps of tangled threads. my head is about to blow up. and the relationship i have..... i don't know what to do with this relationship. i'm really confused, i don't know whether to keep it going or just end it up at the end of the year, and labeled it as the best of all. best of the best memories i've ever had. the best struggle. the best tears, just the best. but if i let him go, i need more than a year to fix the damage in my heart, my mind, and my soul. o my mighty God. i am so confused. i don't want to let go, but i have to. because we're different. one thing he and i can't deny. we're the same, but we're different.

these times are hard, i know i've said it a bunch time, but you don't know how hard it is. harder that finding a needle in a haystack.


now playing : the script - for the first time

'oh, these times are hard end up making us crazy, don't give up on me baby'

dreams dreams

Hey  Ho! Welcome through! arrrr, what's with ya all?

Haha, despite the pirates accent. SO! how's life? good? bad? fine? mine is fine :)


Just today, my cousin have flown to Bali, to find golds there. I'm pretty much going to miss her, 'cause she's a fun person and she's a good person to share with. Well, she has chosen her path, I can do nothing with it, it's her life.

anyway, I'm about to tell you my favorite stuff to do while I'm in class..

when the class start to get boring, I'm dreaming. I dreamed about everything, but mostly about my dreamy busy life.


My dreamy busy life..


a strange European man knocking my at my door class, and my teacher comes to him. that strange man asked my teacher a permission to take me to the airport, because I have to go to London (or somewhere in Europe) to attend a meeting. and the strange man (who actually my assistant) have that permission and entered my class. He said 'come on a, we have to go' but I said 'what? now?! I'm not even prepared yet!' I said it whisperingly. 'We need to go! i've already prepared your stuff and things you need.' He whisper. Then, I empty my table, and go with him.

(sometimes the strange man used another language, still, European language, and I reply him with the same language.)
and then, before I go, the make up team has been prepared in the toilet, they've been blocking the toilet for 20 minutes to dress me up.

(for the record; in real life, I'm pretty short and have loads of tiny acnes. but in my dream, I use something with the highest technology on my feet, if I wear them, I'm going to be shorter, but if I take them off, I'm back to my normal size a.k.a tall and I use something like sticker but more plastic. I stick them to some parts of my cheeks, my forehead and my chin, to make some acnes)


I take all that stuffs off, and I'm in my normal size and face. the make over people brought me my clothes such as, black jeans, white doc mart, white t-shirt, black woman tux, and they dress my hair up. in 20 minutes, I'm done.


and the dream goes on and on and on...

BUT!!!

in last three days, I've been dreaming of an pretty extreme adventure. i go around the world, by making my self lost. OR! sneak out to an airplane garage with my package. and fly wherever it goes and land wherever it lands. making money by jobbing as a dishwasher in a coffee or a restaurant or a hotel. just following where the wind goes.


Weird right? haha, I dreamed about weird stuffs. well, what can a girl do except dreaming? :)

untitled

For the record, tonight, just now, Maroon 5 is performing at Tennis Indoor Senayan, Jakarta.
and it sucks, because i can't go there. some of my friends are, but i can't. yea for life. anyway,

this song by Maroon 5 is just... touch me to the core, when i listen to it. the song titled 'Daylight' 

want to hear it? here you go :)

it's with lyrics, so, sing along..

oh, and this song titled 'Sad' also by Maroon 5, it's also touch me to the core, these songs, are my favorite this whole week(s)

sing along (again) pals..

and for another record, it's really hard to let him go from my arms. i'm not prepared. *sigh*

pray for me, please. #hugsandwetkisses

vous ne pouvez pas choisir

I'll start this post with these words, to remind you of something you need to remember.


'you are 17 years old.'


those words, I write up there, that's the fact, BUT, is the fact true? because, it seems and I feel like, you are not a 17 yo girl. for me, you are just that girl with the number 17 as your armor. but, inside that armor, you're not more than our little sister.

you keep grumbling about him. but all he wants is you to be save and sound. don't give the revenge of your past to him. he did nothing wrong with you!! you have to know it. you said that you are not valued in this house. but the truth is, its YOU who make yourself not valued in this house.


I'm telling you one thing that is and absolute truth ; you can't choose your mum neither your dad neither your siblings


how hard is to be grateful of stuffs and things you have? is that as hard as moving a mountain to the moon? not, right? Don't let him down.



Je vous supplie de ne pas le laisser tomber

The time is about to come

Okay, this is weird.

I miss you while I'm texting with you.


Blink 182 just shot my mind, with their magnificent song titled 'I miss you'. This song brings my mind to my past, about almost 2 years ago, right to the time when I met this boy for the very first time. Cute face, gorgeous smile, much taller than me. Oh God, that was the time when we were playing like a pair of innocent little boy and girl.


As time goes by, we fell in love. Yea, love. the most absurd and indescribable thing in this entire planet. Long story short, we hooked up. Loads of people say 'reality sucks', for that time, I agreed with their opinion. Since we hooked up, troubles come over and over again..to us. starting with we can't see each other for a very long time, his phone was confiscated by his mum, and so on. But I'm proud of us, still, we can see each other, even though just for 1 or 2 hours in a week.


We grown up until now, and still, we are growing up. I know it's forbidden from the first place, and I know, it won't last for a very long time. But we had a quite long time together, sharing everything, story, lessons, language, songs, books...hugs. The flatteries, the laugh, the jealousy, the tears, one page isn't enough to write our story.


The time is about to come. I know it..you don't know about it, yet. It's hard, you know ? I'm preparing my self, but it takes forever to finish it. This is the only path that is good for you and for me. For us. I know, it's gonna be truly hurt for you, either for me, but it's the best of all. I apologize.


When it's time to face the reality, I hope you won't forget me too soon, cause I will not forget you, ever. Your name has been graven on my brain, your lips has been graven on my lips, your touch will be forever on my skin, and your love has been ever lastingly graven on my heart.


One thing you should know, I love you...

Broken bones

My bones had been eaten by an over exposed tiredness.

WELL! these months i've been freakin' busy. yea, you know why. and if you don't know why, here's the answer; senior year. i can't even touch my novels, because of the tasks i have to do.

i wished that i can get more leisure, aaaannnndddd *drum rolls* MY WISH IS GRANTED! Praise and Honor to God :D just today i passed the 'skip class' test and now, i am officially an RE (Real English) student in my english course! happy to the core.
by the way, i'm not alone, fighting those bothering and tricky questions. i'm with nina, my cute, drama queen (love you nina:*) and smart young lady.

i never knew i'll pass the test. but i passed it. and we (me and nina) are placed in the quite nice level. i don't know on what level i am, but, my lovely teacher said that it's really good for us to get that level. it's like an honor. and the fee is a bit cheaper, which means, my dad could save a bit more money for my little sister :) happy to hear.

well, being the 3rd of 4 is quite hard, especially if your sister acts like you and you acts like her (not acts actually, it's the truth). and you have to be as frugal as you can, so your little sister, can study in a fine school, whether it's private school, or public school. yea:)


SO!

that's all for tonight. i'm sorry if there's any bad grammars, or any bad things. night already, my brain has been focused on my lalaland (read;dream land) weirdos-.-

see ya on my next post guys,

much love

Indonesian kid.